First of all is love. This newborn baby boy is loved more than he will ever know just like I am. My mom stayed for two weeks and took care of my family. I will never know how much my mother loves me but at the same time I completely understand. She puts up with all my moodiness and still vacuumes my house seconds before she leaves on her 15 hour drive home to take care of her other 4 children.
Second is sadness. It makes me sick thinking about how I don't know when will be the next time I'll see my family again. I absolutely love living in Idaho and I absolutely hate living in Idaho. I wish I could see my family more often. It makes me cry that my family is missing Olivia and Walter grow up and I'm missing my brothers and sisters grow up.
Third is fatigue. One day I'll sleep through the night and get a nap but that day seems so far away. I make it through the day because of my nap. Here I sit with Olivia just waking up and Walter just falling asleep. I guess I'll have to pray extra hard to make it through these days.
Fourth is gratitude. I am so blessed by a loving Father In Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ. I know the atonement is for me and on days like today when the tears won't stop rolling I know my Savior's loving arms are tight around me.
Being a mother is hard work but it is also the greatest blessing. How could I not be completely happy holding this new baby boy in my arms as he slightly opens his eyes in his sleep and gives me a cute little smile? Or as my sweet Olivia hugged me tightly while I cried as my mom left today. I am so blessed and so in love. In an hour I won't be alone any more and my wonderful husband will be home to rescue me and hold me tight.
So many other emotions fill my head but for now I keep reminding myself I am not the only one to have more than one child. I'll make it through this fatigue and heart ache. I'll see my family soon. I know prayer will carry me through this because I know my Savior lives and loves me. I am blessed with a kind and loving husband and two beautiful children.
I'm excited for our future!
Lauren, I really do love reading your blog because you are so honest and real. Congratulations on your new baby boy, he's certainly a very handsome little man. 2 kids (especially 2 babies) seems hard at first but I promise you will get into a routine and figure it all out soon. I remember when I first had Logan and Ethan was still so young, we took a lot of baths (together and separate.) For me, it was the one place I could truly contain him that he enjoyed and was not all over the place. Maybe Olivia likes swimming in the water of the tub? Good Luck with the next few weeks and just know you're an excellent mother and you have beautiful children!
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